Tag Archives: humor

What did you say?

Here I stand
On a pillowy white cloud.

There is this guy
With a beard standing here

Looking down into
A big red leather bound book.

He is taking a long time
Turning page after page.

I am hearing
A grunt or two,

But not a word from his lips,
Not a welcome.

I shift from
One foot to the other.

What am I
Doing here?

My last memory
Was slipping and falling.

I begin to worry.
I have so much to do.

If he is not finding
What he is looking for

How will his search
Affect me and my future?

Oh, he signals me
Come closer, step over here.

There is no hint
Of a smile or indication

What the book
Has revealed to him?

With a concerned look
And a shrug of his shoulders

He quietly whispers
So only I could hear.

“I am sorry
I do not have your reservation.

I am sad  to say
You must go…..”

Where did he say
I had to go?

I am definitely going
To get new hearing aids!

Sir, where did you
Say I should go?

Again a little louder he said
“You must go back!”

The cloud turned
A little darker and softer.

I am falling down again
Ouch! Ohhh I hurt all over.

 

Created: September 11, 2017

I Close My Eyes

  • I close my eyes,
    • And there you are,
    • Looking back deep into my soul.
  • I breath deeply,
    • A sigh really,
    • For your presence is with me.
  • I relax my body,
    • A shiver and a shake
    • For I feel your so very close.

Originally written:  June 14, 1997

  • Humm Mmm.   This poem could be taken two ways.   Reading the last several days postings from 1997 you and I could assume this is a spiritual poem.    Yet, I could read this a very sexy poem.    If I remember correctly, I wrote it with the intent of having this double meaning quandary.   I wrote it with a little “mischievous” chuckle.  *?)

Piggly Wiggly

  • Piggly Wiggly
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing in the mud.
      • Roll around, roll around.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Stomp a foot here. Stomp a foot there.
    • Piggly Wiggly just a wallowing all day long.
      • Bury my nose ever so deep.
    • Piggly Wiggly wallowing in the mud.
      • Toss my head way up in the air.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Throw the mud here. Throw the mud there.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing all day long.
      • Take a nap now. Take a nap later.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing in the mud.
      • Eat a little, just a bite.  Chomp!  Chomp!
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Tastes so good.  Let’s do it again.
    • Piggly Wiggly just  a wallowing all day long.

 

  •  
    • Piggly Wiggly  a wallowing in the mud.
      • Do you recognize me?  I see you?
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Ah-h the despair. Oh-h the disappointment.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing all day long.
      • Savor the feeling.  Savor the mood.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Day in, day out, Year in, year out.
    • Piggly Wiggly just a wallowing all day long.
      • The sun is coming to dry the mud.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing in the mud.
      • Dig deeper, quickly deeper.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • Searching, searching for more mud.
    • Piggly Wiggly just a wallowing  all day long.
      • How alike we are.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing in the mud.
      • A pig and me.
    • Piggly Wiggly a wallowing we will go.
      • He in mud, and I in darkness.
    • Piggly Wiggly just a wallowing all day long.

Originally written:  January 24, 1996

  • This ditty started out to be a frolic and  a bit of humor..  Then, for some reason it turned introspective.  I do not know why it turned inward.  The words just flowed from my mind onto the page.  It was as if the poem was already written before I put it onto the page of my journal.  This has happened a number of times to me.  It is always a  surprise and a sense of awe when it is finished. 

Anger, Quack – Quack

Anger

  • Rarely felt, intensively felt.
    • Unproductive, and wasteful.
    • Unpredictable, and hurtful.
  • Chest binding, throat grabbing.
    • Bad words flowing Uncontrolled,
    • Creating ill feelings.
  • Positive actions
    • Negates bad feelings.
    • Select what is going to bother you.
    • And then be a duck, “Quack – Quack”
  • Let the things that could bother you,
    • Wash over you.  “Quack – Quack”
    • Can you see the water run off the ducks back?
    • Can you see the duck shake its wings and water flying?
  • Recognize the things that would bother you. 
    • Imitate the ducks.  “Quack – Quack” as the water is shaken off.
    • As those irritations flow on past without touching you.
    • Just say, “Quack – Quack” to yourself, out loud, or even shout it.
  • Life is too short to be governed by anger.
    • Anger, rarely felt, Thank you Lord!
      “Quack – Quack, Quack – Quack!”

Originally written:    October 6, 1995

  • I worked in a stressful job dealing with business crisis anyway in the world.  I worked with a team of specialized professionals, executives, and clients.   In my personal life having lived a full life there have been times when anger would intrude into my life.  At the time of the writing of this “ditty”  I was dealing with clients and technical professionals and each side was being intractable. 
  • I was visiting my mother-in-laws home in Warsaw, Indiana on Gooselake.  It had been a trying week just before my visit.  I was sitting in the garage looking out at the lake.   There was a flock of ducks that landed in the lake.    It started to rain pretty heavy.   Yet, the ducks just swam around and every once in a while they would flap their wings and the raindrops would scatter.  How nice it was to see them shedding the water.    Somehow, it connected my mind to my frustrations and being able to shake the anger off.     So, I imagined the words and situation that exasperated me.  I visualized the words like raindrops blasting in at me and washing over me like the rain.  I shook myself and said “Quack – Quack.”  It worked better when I shouted it and laughed at how stupid it sounded.  The sounds echoed across the lake to the ducks.  Some flew away.
  • A month or so later my daughter have a problem.  I advised her to say Quack Quack.. No Louder!  Louder still.  Very soon she was laughing..  Anger was reduced..  I chuckle now when I get angry and into my mind comes the words Quack Quack..  Amazingly, It does help.    Quack Quack.

A Woman’s Prayer…..

  • A Woman’s Prayer……. 
    • Dear Lord, I pray for
      • Wisdom to understand my man;
      • Love to forgive him;
      • And Patience for his moods;
      • Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
      • I’ll beat him to death. 
    • If not patience Lord
      • A cheap, but successful barrister
      • Specializing in spousal abuse
      • And an understanding judge and jury.
    • If not wisdom Lord
      • Let my mind be gone
      • For since he is responsible
      • To take care financially,
      • if not personally. 
    • Ahhh!!! Thank you Lord!!!
      • I cannot express my heart felt feelings.
      • You delivered a solution unthought of.
      • May the heat below provide his reward. 
         

The first stanza was sent to me by a friend, Rhys.   On a whim I extended it and returned it to Rhys asking who wrote that first stanza.   I wanted to provide credit to that author.   But, alas he did not have the name..  So until I find the author I will give credit to a humorist unknown.   

Originally written:   February 19, 2010

Trouble Listening to You

Trouble listening to you.

I have trouble listening to others.  I have these thoughts that intrude and shut off my hearing.  I become self-absorbed in these thoughts.  These bandits steal my attention and my concentration.  They rob me of self-respect and the respect of others. 

No matter how hard I try to look into my friends eyes and block out all the  distractions,  the bandit jumps out from behind some of the words I hear to create a thought, a contemplation, a derivative of what I am hearing.   My ears shut off and I ruminate on the distraction.   Then, suddenly I see the eyes before me change in a subtle way and  recognize I was ambushed.

I feel  horribly embarrassed.  I struggle to catch up with the conversation to become knowledgeable enough to intelligently respond.    I have become very adept at giving a nod, a grunt, or “Hmm-mmm” indicating I have heard.  However, deep within the recess of my mind  I know I just got caught again.  I try to hide my embarrassment and confusion from getting to my eyes for all to see.   Yet, I know I was ambushed.

I mask my feelings in a studied concentration.  Oh, what an actor I have become.  Self-discipline, yes but more.   I need a marshall or sheriff to arrest those words that form in my mind before I get distracted.  I need to find a method to avoid being robbed of my attention. 

I have trouble listening.  I know others have similar problems.  I forgive my self and begin again avoid the bandit.
Originally written October 26, 1994

Sleep

Sleep

  • Sometimes it is gentle and refreshing,
    • Time to cuddle and snuggle.
    • There are those evenings when sleep is terrifying. 
    • Each nerve is put on edge. 
    • Strung  tight like a guitar string.
  • Flip – Flop.  Flip – Flop.  
    • Left side, right side.
    • Tummy down, tummy up. 
    • No sleep just flip – flop.
  • Spooning your side, spooning my side. 
    • You on your side – me on my side.
    • No touch – touching from head to toe.
  • Then there are those special moments 
    • After we have shared ourselves.  
    • Totally relaxed  – all essences in time.
  • Sleep, I wonder what it is..

 

Originally written –   January 11, 1995