God’s Waiting Room

God’s waiting room

I live here

Amongst the old and older.

It is an attractive

Building and grounds.

We are fed and cared for

By loving and competent people.

We make acquaintances

Even close friends.

We help each other

Onto and off the elevator.

Into and out of our chairs

In the dining room.

We help park

Each other’s handicap horses,

Otherwise known as

Walkers or wheelchairs.

We see our dear friends

Gradually or suddenly grow frail.

Our friends stagger or hobble

A little more as days pass by.

Strangers come into our lives.

They become neighbors and friends

They move out of our lives

Suddenly sometimes without warning.

Other times it is a lingering

Sad and heart aching good bye.

The days pass slowly,

Ever so slowly.

Yet in hind sight,

Where has time flown by?

We get involved in activities

Bingo, card games, and trips.

We enjoy the special moments

I would dare say even treasure them.

Then we slink off to our beds

We wash our faces.

We take our meds

Hoping sleep finds us quickly.

And that dreamland lasts

Straight through till sunrise.

Most nights mister Sandman

Comes and goes several times each night.

The best sleep happens

In the early morning after several naps

During the tossing and turning

Of wrestling with mister Sandman.

We find our bodies

Are growing more unreliable

Yes, unreliable. We seem

To be weaker and ill more often.

There are moments when

The veil between today and yesterday

Grows thin and enchanting

Inviting us to ruminate

Even when the time beyond

Calls to us yearningly.

Our time is known here on earth

We are in Gods Waiting room.

Waiting and waiting

Just waiting.

Written: July 26, 2019

I was sitting thinking of our friends and family.

I thought of our loved ones that had left us for

their reward in the afterlife. I am lucky to have

the love of family and friends. I live in a nice

place waiting for my turn to pass over. I am not

sad or unhappy. In fact, I am delighted to be

in this position.

Veterans Day Parade

Being in a parade

Is different than watching one.

Being the object of admiration

Is different than admiring.

It is unsettling to receive gratitude.

It feels good to show thankfulness.

It is comforting to

Honor a hero.

It is uncomfortable

To receive honors.

We are not good at receiving,

But better at honoring others.

I have met a few heroes.

Yet, none of them thought themselves brave.

To a man each thought,

The heroes were buried beneath their crosses.

Created 11/11/2018

This reflection was created while riding on the Auburn Solstice Senior Community bus

during the Veterans Day Parade on High Street. There were twelve veterans

from World War II, Korean Conflict, and Vietnam War on the bus. It was a small town

parade with the local high school band leading the way.

Humans have a need

Humans have a need
To believe in an intelligence

Behind the creation of our existence.
Belief in an after life or oblivion

For some, it gives reasons to behave
They believe in karma and reincarnation.

Yes, we humans are complex
We are conflicted, warlike

Yet, there are miracles
Of compassion, love, and sacrifice.

I have experienced
The joys and pains of marriage,

I have been hurtful and shamed by it.
I felt lost in heartache or guilt.

But joyful for the fruits
Each child precious beyond measure

I have been sustained
By the feeling of caring

I have been surprised
By deep soul moving love.

I have witnessed
Love in impossible ways

Treasured in memories of good and bad
Preserved through the tribulations

To the joy of perseverance
Onto deep friendship and companionship.

I am a dedicated
People watcher

I have learned many things
I have sifted life’s meaning

Down to a simple thought
Be helpful!

I try to walk the talk
It is a challenge.

 

Created:  September 16, 2017

 

I walk in the forest

Come walk with me.

I walk in the forest

Of human beings

 

Like you, like me

Our friends, our non-friends.

 

They are many and varied

Sizes and shapes.

 

Short legs, short arms and bodies

In endless combinations

 

Skin in shades and colors of bark

Are many as the grains of sands

 

Pale white or yellow

To dusk and even midnight.

 

From homeless and discarded

To rich and empowered

 

Their beliefs in Gods and spirits

Many heartfelt, others heartless.

 

From agnostic to zealot

Evoking love and others hate

 

To walk in this forest

One must be alert and vigilant.

 

 

 

I walk in the forest

Of human beings

 

I have walked amongst humans

For three score and a half more.

 

I became a connoisseur of watching

Sitting unnoticed, but noticing.

 

I found when I scratched someone

They bled like me regardless of skin color

 

The pain and anguish they felt

Was similar to mine.

 

No shape or size

Made any difference.

 

I find the differences

Are to be cherished.

 

I read and viewed media

About senseless aggression

 

Famine, natural disasters

Earthquake, or disease epidemic

 

I have witnessed displacement

A human column of immeasurable grief

 

Suffering starvation

And deprivations

 

Also domestic violence

To terrorism in schools,

 

Revenge or an action

To get attention to a cause.

 

Or war in far-flung nations

Inflicting harm and death.

 

Our little blue marble is cluttered

With collateral damage.

 

Even soldiers afflicted

By PTSD created by chaos of war.

 

Or by the violence in

our neighborhood or home.

 

I physically hurt

When I come into contact

 

In person or via media

I shudder trying to comprehend

 

Both the victims

And perpetrators.

 

I am at a loss

And feel sad and helpless

 

My heart has been

Broken and beaten.

 

 

 

I walk in the forest

Of human beings

 

Yet, I have hope

Even in the darkest moments

 

I wonder where

This optimism comes from

 

 

Created September 15, 2017

 

 

 

What did you say?

Here I stand
On a pillowy white cloud.

There is this guy
With a beard standing here

Looking down into
A big red leather bound book.

He is taking a long time
Turning page after page.

I am hearing
A grunt or two,

But not a word from his lips,
Not a welcome.

I shift from
One foot to the other.

What am I
Doing here?

My last memory
Was slipping and falling.

I begin to worry.
I have so much to do.

If he is not finding
What he is looking for

How will his search
Affect me and my future?

Oh, he signals me
Come closer, step over here.

There is no hint
Of a smile or indication

What the book
Has revealed to him?

With a concerned look
And a shrug of his shoulders

He quietly whispers
So only I could hear.

“I am sorry
I do not have your reservation.

I am sad  to say
You must go…..”

Where did he say
I had to go?

I am definitely going
To get new hearing aids!

Sir, where did you
Say I should go?

Again a little louder he said
“You must go back!”

The cloud turned
A little darker and softer.

I am falling down again
Ouch! Ohhh I hurt all over.

 

Created: September 11, 2017

The Aging Switch

Quality, yes quality,
Each day, each year,
Value of life and loves.
Becoming, yes becoming.

Doing, doing, done.
Living and ever loving
Each day, each year.
Feeling good, being good?

Getting this and that,
Upsizing house,
Even the car,
Or maybe a spouse.

Years upon years,
Even the many decades
Passing by swiftly
Sometimes unnoticed.

An ache and a pain
Could be chronic,
An Illness today, maybe tomorrow.
Plans change again.

Downsizing living,
Giving this and that.
Big things, old things,
Even new stuff.

Giving to my kids,
Selling to others,
Taking just a little,
Just what’s needed today.

Active living, but…
Less, doing less.
More doctors and dentists
Often, more often.

Months upon months
Passing by fast and faster,
I’m moving slower, then slower,
But time moves still faster!

Eat, nap, eat, discovered
Becoming my daily pattern.
So nice, but tired still.
Why is the night longer now?

Imbalance and stagger enters.
My new world changing.
Steps are shorter and slower
Taking longer from here to there

Watching, sitting and reading.
What did you say? Hmm mm
Huh? Please say that again.
Hearing, like agility, disappearing

Frustration unlimited!
Forgetting little things
Progressing to bigger
What did I come in here for

Quality living lesser
Than yesterday again.
Good becoming less.
All becoming lesser.

The end is in sight,
But not in reach.
My aging switch has turned.
Turned to waiting, not doing

Now it begins anew.
When, just when?
Waiting and waiting … still
Impatiently patient.

Days upon months,
Weeks upon years, when?
Waiting still, now impatient
Questioning the why and when.

HE has control of how and when.
My days are fewer in number,
But I wish, at times, many times
I had that control.

Yes, I have switched
From doing to waiting.
The veil between becoming thinner.
Waiting, just waiting … Still.

I have seen the loved ones
Passed over yesteryear and more recently,
Waving or beaconing, I wonder?
Yes, I have switched to impatiently waiting.

Originally created:   July 7, 2016

Beginnings

The beginning.

You become.

You are.

You will be.

You will no longer be.

Go back to the beginning!
Originally written: May 4, 2016

My ponderings:  

It seems getting old provides time to think.  I wasn’t even sitting in a rocking chair. I wasn’t watching a beautiful sunrise. I did not listen to the whispering of the breeze through the trees.  I was going about daily life thinking about paying bills, my next meal, and when do I need to take my next pills.  These words came to mind interrupting productive efforts.  I could not get them out of my mind.  As I thought of the simplicity of the phrases, I began to ponder life and it’s phases. I thought I would share them. 

Touch

Touching

Touch, You’re it

Life brings, You to me.

A stranger, Danger or delight.

A mentor, Teacher or muse.

A friend, Casual or lover.

Touch, I’m it.

Moving on, Forever changed.

Life brought, Me to you.

Transforming. You and me!

 

What Are You Doing Here?

I live in a senior independent living community of over 100 souls. There are several bodies aged 100 plus. Many are in their 80’s and 90’s. There are few in their 70’s. Many are handicapped and using canes and walkers to move about the residence. Heart and memory  diseases afflict more than a few. Living in this community I have developed close friendships with many of the residents.

I see many acquaintances and friends declining in health, going to thedoctors, hospitals, other facilities, and finally passing into the next world.It has provided a unique understanding of our frailties and impermanence. I am not depressed nor anxious about these circumstances. As unusual as it may seem I am exhilarated and comfortable with the present and the future. The following eulogy has been many years in gestation. It is the firstwritten version. I can envision it being altered and revised several times in the years ahead.

Oh my friends

What are you doing here?
You have heard and know

I am no longer here.
I have gone to the other side

Of the veil of life.
For some would think it to

Be a downward direction.
Being in a very warm

And unfriendly locale.
For others they are watching.

Watching for a butterfly or dragonfly.
A new life to be lived

Karma to be paid.
For me, I believe

My penance is over!
I have passed beyond the veil

Welcomed by loved ones.
Each of you family, friend, and especially foe

Are still in my thoughts and prayers.
May this idea and thought

Give you a measure of comfort.
May the words of each person

Spoken in memory bring you solace.
For there has been laughter.

Yes, there were tears and pain.
There has been kindness,

And love, yes love!
So my friends, do not

Give further tears or anguish.
My suffering and pain

Are now a thing of the past.
Raise your glass in salute.

Fill your belly with good food.
Tend to each other.

Some will need your loving care.
The veil between this world

And His Kingdom is very thin.
I will be watching and waiting

To be among the first to greet you.
Go! Live and love

Life to the fullest!
Oh my friends

What are you doing here?
Originally written: April 15, 2016
The thoughts expressed above have been rattling around in my mind for several years. I did not want the prose to be a “downer” or depressing.  It took quite a bit of time to feel confident in the way the feelings are being expressed.  Thank you for reading it.  I look forward to your comments.

 

Journeys End

The end of a Journey is within sight.

Thank you Ageless One.
My wrinkles, scars, and bruises,
They demonstrate your generosity,
Your gift of longevity.

Thank you Rising Son.
Not as a complaint, but a deep sigh
For the aches and pains of old muscles and bones
They are a gift of a new day.

Thank you Heavenly Father,
Each wheezing breath is a prayer
For clarity of mind and heart.
They bow in reverence.

Thank you Gentle Loving Spirit
For my many faults and weaknesses,
And so I feel slovenly unworthy,
But still you pour out your bountiful graces.

Within your embrace I face the daily toils,
Overcoming the challenges of bigotry,
Sharing the smiles and cheerfulness with others
With an attitude of simple humbleness.

Thank you Infinity Personified,
So many memories and experiences,
Are at my beck and call.
More precisely during my frequent naps.

Thank you Grace Embodiment,
Each day is in itself a blessing.
I mightily struggle with my infirmities,
Blessed by each graceless fumbling bumbling  step.

Thank you Heavenly Gate Keeper
For holding the door slightly ajar.
My slow gait has dictated this pace.
Patience I have had to learn and relearn.

Thank you Everlasting Peace
I am coming, though staggeringly
Yes, I am coming, are you waiting?
I am anxiously anticipating my journeys end.

I am committed to You, My Lord.
With love and forgiveness your guarantee
My days, hours, and even minutes are known to you,
I stumble along my path with confidence.

Originally written: March 19, 2015

The poem was written over a period of several months.
It is a reflection on my life and growing old and
the changes that occur naturally.  It also acknowledges
the thoughts I have heard from others who have
and are on this journey.

I publish it in recognition of World Poetry Day March 21, 2015.